When we found out how great orgasms were for both our physical and emotional health, we screamed for joy! But then we learned some shocking truths and these made us sad. So because we wish we knew this when we were 20, we thought we’d creep into your love lives and do a little sexucation.
Fortunately, we can assist with orgasms here at LoveHamma🙂. We can also write an insightful article on it and hope you feel a little bit more confident and empowered by the end of it.
So sit down, let’s have…
…The Talk
Orgasms are great for many reasons. Evidence from studies points to benefits such as; better sleep, a greater sense of well-being, better skin, youthful looks, lower stress levels, reduced risk of cardiovascular disease and a strengthened immune system. Orgasms have also been linked to heightened creativity and pain management. Even better, more orgasms – more orgasms! Yay! The more orgasms you have, the easier sex and orgasms become.
So what’s the bad news?
Wooah relax. We’re getting there. A 2017 study of our 50,000 sexually active Americans found that 95% of straight men “always or nearly always“ have an orgasm when they have sex. The same is true for 89% of gay men, 88% of bisexual men and 86% of lesbian women.
Now here’s the gap:
It’s a big gap keep scrolling…
In contrast only 66% of bisexual women “always or nearly always” reach orgasm and just 65% of straight women.
Feelings of shame around sex and sexuality make the issue worse. With mainstream media and straight porn focusing on male pleasure, women (who are slightly more sexually complex) are getting the raw end of the deal. Few movies show acts of sex where women’s pleasure is considered and surprisingly few straight porno’s do a good job of it too, unless you consider the short acts of clitoral stimulation shown before.
Switching to focus on the men. Watching these, you’d be forgiven for thinking that the way to take a woman to pleasure-town was through (often violent or rough) penetration alone. When in reality only 18% of women are able to reach orgasm this way. The result being that in a world where access to such material is easier than ever, men just haven’t been given the tools to do it right.
Female pleasure has always taken a back seat. It is only recently that the full structure of the clitoris was discovered and studied. Despite some medical textbooks from the previous decade alluding to the full clitoris (an organ much bigger and further reaching than you would imagine). It was not examined and fully named until 1998! We have been to the moon. We have seen the four corners of our planet and the galaxy, but medical science has only just managed to peek inside our pants.
Perhaps the world would be slightly better off if sex education discussed issues such as pleasure. Plus, if we were able to discuss masturbation with those just discovering their sexuality as a means to discover what we like so that we can develop better and more equal sexual relationships when we are ready (or as a way to spend some quality down time).
Instead, sex as pleasure is barely covered and something we keep on the hush. It’s no wonder that a huge amount of women report feelings of shame after sex, or when talking about sex.
We’re also not that great at discussing appetites for sex. Whether you like sex once a month or twice a day it is totally ok. Like appetites for anything we all have different needs.
If you and your partner(s) are happy with the amount of sex you are having, then great. The message we want to get across is that you should be enjoying GOOD sex when you want sex.
We think it’s time women felt like they could speak up. We need to feel comfortable telling our partners what feels good, what we are not so keen on and what we love. If you are afraid to do this, then rewarding your partner is helpful. Making the right movements and noises to let him know.
Accepting our own bodies, realising that the media were exposed to, shows bodies that are unattainable and that we are all ageing, we are all a little imperfect and we all have our body issues is key to developing a level of self-acceptance which means we can go forth and have more orgasms.
If you are struggling to discover what you like then please don’t feel alone. If you worry about shame and have persistent negative feelings towards sex or feel the lack of confidence, then try speaking to a therapist.
Ultimately, in a climate that has focused on closing the pay gap and equalising opportunities between the sexes, it’s definitely time women got their say in the bedroom too.
So go out and enjoy your vagina!
LoveHamma xxx
